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Satori and my gutfeeling

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How much time
Do I have left?
Sometimes I wake up
in the middle of the night
Scared to die too soon

I’m scared not knowing when it’s my time
I’m scared not knowing if I will have
Have time to do everything I want to do
So I tell my boys I love them
So often I can

I try to balance
My fear of dying with doing things
That is right and that resonates
With me and my values
I do fail in some parts

I’m alone in the house
No, not really, our lizzard is home too
The washingmachine is running
The boys are not at home this afternoon
I’m forced to meet myself again

To make the encounter more easy
I study philosophy, I clean
I try to tell myself, that the urge to cry
Is a human thing,
Not a bad thing

I feel old and an ancient guilt
Runs in my veins
From whom?
I turn around, but there is nobody here
But me

I will take a walk to the laundry
Have another cup of tea
And pray, without any religious direction
That the day will pass by
Useful and decent

And no, I haven’t forgotten you
Just because I don’t write about you
You’re still with me
It’s just that I used so many words
Without any success

Satori
Gutfeeling
My heart is beating hard
Knowing what matters and what don’t
Trying desperately to get there in time

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3 Comments

  1. charlypriest says:

    Merry Christmas and it was a very good read, dark-beautiful

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Poetpas says:

    Life is too short to live in fear and having a savior complex won’t help either. Let go of the loser and work on yourself and try to have fun! Good luck!

    Like

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