Last tuesday I took my youngest son to the emergency. During the last 2 days he had noticed a strange heartrhythm but still he felt fine and we decided to check it up wednesday. But on tuesday when he went to by some refreshment he called me from the street telling me that he was not felling fine and that it was time to go to the doctor.
I left all I had in my hands and I jumped in the car and pick him up at the street and we drove to the lockal medical center, who sent us directly to the emergency at the hospital in Stockholm. The doctor found out that the electric impulses didn’t work correctly and my son was sent to the intensive heart care unit. After two days he got a pacemaker implanted and now we’re back home. My son is feeling fine again.
During the night at the hospital, my son told me he woke up and saw his own pulse at the monitor, it was 32. The nurses said it was “normal” during the circumstances and they told me he was in the safest of hands. I slept in a rom beside my sons room and I could not relax even if we were at the safest spot to be. On thursday he got a pacemaker implanted and now he is feeling fine. And we’re back home.
I’m tired, still very scared, still easy to cry, because it was so fearful to se my son so vulnurable and having no control.
And for my son, from sitting playing a computergame with friends tuesday afternoon, going to the store to bye something to drink, and to end up in the emergency the same afternoon and two days later have a pacemaker implanted, is quite a journey for a 18 year old. My son is braver than me and wiser. And he tells me that he is happy to feel secure that the heart is working perfectly fine again.
There will be moments ahead with questions and up and downs and ups like for us all. But my son is alive and we’re together and I’m so incredible grateful.
I also feel guilty, guilty for feeling so sad and shocked because it wasn’t I who had the pacemaker. I feel almost “egoistic” to feel that way. And I have questions “Should I’ve sent him to the ER earlier even if he said it was not necessary?” But I must try not to be hard on myself. Everything turned out fine and I got my son home healthy and fine.
Thank you to the hospital and the heartdoctors of Södersjukhuset and thank you to all the staff at HIA, Stockholm. Thank you so much.
I love you so so much, dear Anders.